Have you ever been cheated by your husband?
How many times? Once, twice or countless times?
Have you been able to forgive him?
I was cheated twice by my husband. One when we were apart and another instance when we were together.
When I left him and my son so I could study and work in London with plans of bringing them to London as well after a few months as soon as I have settled myself, I had no idea what was about to unfold in our marriage.
We’ve been having problems against each other. I was 21 years old when I got pregnant with our first child and he was 19 years old. I just graduated from college and was just starting to know which career path should I be taking and we were just 7 months into our relationship. I wasn’t ready at all but I knew that I wanted to be a mother at a young age. I have always felt the need to have my own family to cover up the lack of having a family that loves me for who I am. I always craved for the need to belong to someone.
We were so immature then and as you can imagine, we were almost fighting about things that we know nothing of. What do I expect from a 19 year old kid who seems to have no idea of what responsibility has been given to him raising family of his own under his care.
I thought, being the smart one, I had all the right to belittle him and step down on his ego for not being able to provide for us and for being immature and irresponsible. I had the habit of throwing painful words at him that would really cut his emotional grip on who he really was as a man, a husband and a father. I have to admit that I have mastered the art of crushing his soul and spirit just to get back at him for all the discontentment, pain and resentment that I felt towards him for every irresponsible choices he has made.
This whole scenario continued while I was in London. Every time that I would call him, most of the time, we would end up arguing over the phone and I would yell back at him and make him feel how useless and worthless he is because I am the one providing for our family.
I never had a single inclination what was happening until I had these dreams of him being with another woman in bed. Then I would have random thoughts of him being with another woman intimately and I could not help the feeling of uneasiness towards the thoughts that was coming into my mind.
I knew that he was having an affair and I even told this to one of my aunt in the Philippines that I was suspecting him of having an affair.
When their visa was approved, I really thought it would be a good start for us.
But when he arrived together with our son in London, after one week, I found out that my suspicions were true after all. My aunt confirmed to me over the phone that He had an affair and someone saw him with the girl.
I confronted him and I played psychologically through his mind until he admitted that he had an intimate affair 2 weeks after I left the Philippines and apparently, he has not yet ended it.
My world fell upside down and being broken would be an under rated word for knowing that your husband cheated on you and had an intimate relationship with someone else.
Just the thought that he was kissing somebody else while you were away and that he says I love you to another woman aside from you is enough to kill everything inside you s a woman.
But I decided to fight for my family. I prayed and I sought help from the internet from reading stories of woman who has been cheated as well and how they were able to move past through cheating in their marriages.
I tried to move on but I could not forget what he did. I have lost all the trust that I could ever give him and it was so hard to give it back with the notion that he might do it again. I was still holding on to the pain and I was still bitter about his cheating on me.
I thought after 2 years, we were okay but he cheated on me the second time around.
I found out how he was flirting with a girl he works with. I discovered how he sends almost 100 text messages a day to her. My instincts were right when I saw him chatting with her on facebook and I told him I don’t like him being friendly with the girl because I was sensing something was wrong.
But he did not stop and he was hiding her text messages on the phone which led me to think that something was not right again. I guess God has given me such a gift to have good instincts on what is my husband doing without my knowledge. God has been leading me into knowing what he does not want me to know.
The second time around that I felt cheated, lied to again was more devastating. I gave him a second chance and he blew it again. I just thought to myself, how could he do it again?
I wanted to end up our marriage but for some reason, I gave him another chance. I don’t really know where that decision came from. I just felt like there was nothing else to do but to give him another chance if I wanted to have a complete family.
But the pain remained.
For four years, after he cheated on me the second time around, I kept on reminding him every time we would argue about the pain he caused me and how it broke my heart and that I could never trust him again.
I kept on throwing his infidelity on me against his face that did not help our marriage to regain the trust that we both needed to have in our marriage. I have always hold on to the saying that you can forgive but never forget.
But when I accepted Jesus Christ in my life and I realized how God has forgiven me for all my sins that’s why Jesus Christ died for me, that’s when things started to change.
When I felt God’s love and mercy towards me, I felt the forgiveness of every sinful acts that I have committed which made me realize that if God was able to forgive me, how can I not forgive my husband for cheating on me?
Today, I can honestly tell you that I can think of the previous affairs that my husband had without having a feeling of pain or bitterness in my heart. It’s not that I have forgotten it that’s why I don’t feel the pain but it is because I have forgiven him which has set me free from the memory of its pain and bitterness.
Forgive as you have been forgiven. This is hard to do when you have been cheated and have been lied to by the most important person in your life but by God’s grace and mercy that has been extended to us, it is not impossible to forgive even for the nth time.
We now have three wonderful kids and we are committed into keeping the family by putting God at the center of our marriage.
Mark 11:25-26: “Whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father in heaven will also forgive your transgressions.”
I would also like to share this testimony of a pastor’s wife in our church at CCF where true forgiveness for a cheating husband with countless affairs with other women can still give you peace that only God can provide. If you hold on to God, He can even turn your pains and suffering from a cheating husband into a blessing jus as what He did to their lives.
To God Be All The Glory!
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