Women have a tendency to imagine a happy ever after kind of life after getting married thinking they have found their prince charming.
With such imagination, women expects a lot from their husband on how they will be loved and taken cared of.
I use to dream that way when I got married or even when I was still in a relationship with my husband as boyfriend and girlfriend. I had great expectations of how he should love me, take care of me and that he should treat me like a princess all the days of his life. After all, I am suppose to have a happy ever after life with him if he was to be my prince charming.
But to my surprise, my great expectations led to great frustrations as my husband failed to meet all the expectations I have set. And for such a long time, I kept on convincing myself that if he will change his ways according to what I expect of him on how to love and take care of me, I will be happy.
I used to expect from him that he would do romantic gestures to express his love for me like giving me flowers or gifts, that he would plan and surprise me with romantic getaways. All the sweet and romantic stuff that I watch on T.V was in my head thinking that he could do the same for me.
My normal tendency when I am not getting what I expect of him when it comes to certain behavior or attitude towards me was to nag him non-stop thinking that it will change him but it doesn’t work. I just get myself into more pain and frustrations for not seeing the changes that I want him to do. I wish I have known that prayers work better than nagging as I have written in one of my posts here that if there is something that we want our husbands to do but they are not doing it or does not want to do it the we just have to pray and don’t nag.
I also had the same mentality before that “if you don’t do your part then I am not going to do my part”. Why should I do my part when he is not doing his part. Even if I knew God’s command at that time, though I was not a born again christian at that time, I did not understood what it really meant for wives to submit to their husbands. My mentality of you do it first before I do overruled God’s command for me to do my role as a wife unconditionally.
Wives should understand that it is only the Lord who completes and fulfils us and as we receive Jesus Christ into our lives and be filled with his overflowing love so can we give it to our husbands as well. Because we receive our happy ever after from God himself, we are able to be the happy ever after of our husbands as well. From 2 Peter 1:3 says that “His divine power has granted to us everything pertaining to life and godliness.”
I remember when my husband, Ace asked me if I still love him despite of all his shortcomings as my husband and I answered him that my love for you comes from the Lord who fills me with so much love that I can love you inspite of all your shortcomings and even forgive you when you fail to be the husband that God wants you to be.
Right at that moment, God made me understood how seeking him and loving him first more than anyone or anything else will make you overflow with so much love that you can freely give it to anyone even to the person who has hurt you a number of times. How God can made me feel so complete that I learned not to expect greatly from my husband knowing that the ultimate provider for my needs is God alone and no one else can ever give me everything that I need but only Him.
So, should we have great expectations or great frustrations in marriage?
We could choose to raise appreciation and lower our expectations instead of creating high expectations and give low appreciation to our spouses.
To God Be All The Glory!
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