Year 2014 has ended. As 2015 came in, my heart and my mind is still battling on what to do with all the problems we carried over to 2015.
Are you in a similar state at the moment? You want to start your new year right and look forward to a brand new 2015 and yet you feel the burden of the problems that you can’t leave behind from the past year. Its funny to think that when you say past year, its suppose to be past problems as well that you can just forget about and start with what will lie ahead in the next year. But there are problems that lingers and seems to stay year after year until it gets resolved.
I was battling with this dilemma since the start of 2015. With so many debts to pay, financial struggles that doesn’t seem to go away, my stubbornness for being idle for such a long period of time after failing from my business and feeling like a failure in everything that I do, I just could not reconcile within my mind what God really wants me to do.
Last April 2014, as I was praying so hard within my struggles of feeling defeated in everything, from being a wife, mother, daughter and a friend, God whispered in my heart and reminded me of the talents He has given me and how I could use it to spread the word of God and His good news for all the people .
He reminded me how much I love writing and how I could use my passion for writing to reach out to people who are looking for Him and who desperately needs Him like how I need Him daily in my life. He also made me envision myself speaking His word in public and how I could use the current industry that I am into which is network marketing, into reaching out to more people more than I could ever imagine.
At that time, I had a boost of the Holy Spirit and was set out to start and do it. Then a bunch of obstacles and trials came on my way. Imagine being in the middle of a situation where you are being evicted from your house with no regular income and with 3 children to think of. It made me think again, how am I suppose to do God’s will in the midst of my distressing situation?
I wanted to do what He has told me to do and that is to continue writing for Him to spread His good word to His people, to use the talents He has given me for His purpose. But I kept on thinking how am I going to do it if I am in deep financial trouble? Let alone thinking of where our family will stay once we get evicted from our house. I kept saying to myself that I had to create income first so I can provide for the family and I kept pushing my husband to do the same without knowing what God has in store for us.
But the Lord God is true to His word of provision, my God has provided us with a home where we could stay while we did not have a regular income, he has provided for our every need and until now, I am so amazed as to how God is providing for us to make it through everyday being in a difficult financial situation that we are in right now.
From April 2014 to present, the Lord never failed to provide for us, he has been with me and my family and I felt His presence in every struggle we went through for the past year. With all the distractions, emotional pains, stress and worrying that I had to go through, the Lord was always on my side.
So this year, my desire to be His servant gave me the conviction to ask Him again to direct my path into doing what He wills me to do. Still in deep financial trouble, I was confused with the same roadblock I was into from last year. I used to work at home using Odesk and there is a work schedule and an employer that you need to follow which makes me think that if I will work again for someone while trying to bring our financial status in a stable mode, I might not have time to do what I want to do for my network marketing business and more so with what God has been telling me to do from the start. I was so confused whether to settle for a temporary solution to provide income for my family or to follow God’s voice telling me to do His will to build back my business at home and spend more writing for Him and for His glory.For so many days I kept asking Him, “What do you want me to do Lord and How can I serve You?”
I waited and waited for His answer. Every time I open Odesk website and look for jobs, my mind just keep telling me you don’t want to do this but when I think of our financial situation, I am crying out desperately within that maybe this could be an answer. But God in His sovereignty knows every thought running in my head and what my heart really wants to do. Finally, He showed me His answers in the most amazing way possible.
As I was doing my morning devotions, I started reading My Mom’s Devotional Bible and the title of the devotional reading for the day was “Wrong Choices”. At first, I did not have a hint where God is leading me. I just read the daily devotion which talked about the reality that even simple misdeeds that we do have ongoing consequences in our lives on which I agreed to as having experienced it in my life a number of times. But I am just so grateful to the Lord that “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9 NIV). Is it not comforting to hear God’s word saying He can forgive us so long as we confess our sins to Him?
GOD’S GENTLE PUSHES
I moved on reading my next book, Refreshing Words for Women by Darlene Sala and the daily devotion for that day is titled “God’s Gentle Pushes”. Along with the passage was a prayer that really struck me in my heart. The prayer goes like this:
I wish I were as sensitive to Your gentle pushes so that you would not have to deal with me harshly in order for me to know what You want me to do.
After reading that, I was getting a hint that God is leading me into something and I was getting what He is trying to say to me with His words. From the passage it also pointed out this verses from the Bible.
I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go. Psalms 32:8
Whether you turn to the right or left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, ‘This is the way, walk in it’. Isaiah 30:21
This is exactly my dilemma, I was so confuse with what to do and God gave me an answer that he will teach me where to go and even as I turn left or right on my way, I will hear His voice instructing me the way. It felt reassuring that God will be leading me and all I need to do is follow Him.
YOU HAVE A JOB TO DO!
When I came down reading my last daily devotions for the day which is titled Life on Purpose Devotional For Women, the daily devotion title was “You Have A Job To Do!”. It made me realize even more how God is talking to me and how He is answering my question of what does He wants me to do.
Just to share with you the message that has reminded me of my purpose here on earth, it says:
You are God’s masterpiece, recreated in Christ, to do good deeds and accomplish great things for God’s glory. These acts and achievements were prepared by God in advance, before you were even born. You have a God-given purpose.
Just reading these words knowing that God has created me for a purpose and that I was born to do good deeds and accomplish great things for God’s glory made my heart so grateful for the answer he has provided me. He made it more clear to me with this verse ” For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11).
I have been trying to evade His plans for me thinking that I could make my own plan for myself which made me forget that he was the one who created me for His purpose and as His servant, it is my duty to fulfil His purpose. I believe Him when He says that His plan for me is to give me hope and a future that will last eternally.
While I was busy making plans on how to get out of our deep financial trouble, my God has been providing for us. Even at the deepest and darkest situation that I got myself into, He never left my side nor has He forsaken me. How could I have not understood that God has a plan for my life when He spoke to my heart last April 2014 and that all He wanted was for me to prosper and He meant no harm even I kept on arguing with Him in my mind that what he was asking me to do is quite impossible at that moment.
But even at this moment, my situation remains the same, I am still in deep financial trouble. God does not change our situation but He changes our heart in responding to our situation like what God is doing in my life right now. He is showing me that my situation has remained the same but my heart has changed to fully commit myself to Him to be His servant and to willingly be used for His purpose. Psalm 138:8 says ” The Lord will fulfil His purpose for me.”
To God Be The Glory!
P.S. If you want to know more about how God can help you in your life today, you can visit this website to learn more about Him. Click here.
P.S. If you are within Las Pinas/Alabang area, I am inviting you to attend our Sunday Worship Services to know more about God. I can meet up with you and personally assist you coming into our Church. You can contact me here: email@example.com