Have you ever felt like you were given something and felt you deserve something better than what you were given?
I have, for so many times, thought that I deserved something better than what I have been given or something more than what I already have because I felt I was entitled for more in life.
I felt I was entitled to be loved, to be cared for, to be looked after, to be treated with pride and respect, to have comfort and the luxuries in life, to be happy, to enjoy life and a more other things that makes me feel good about my life.
And I brought that feeling of entitlement in my relationships especially in my marriage and in the way how I look at things with my work and with how I live my life.
Whenever my husband will fall short of my expectations or he would commit a mistake that would really hurt me, I would have these thoughts that I deserved someone better than him. And it makes me hate our marriage and for having him as my husband. I would run these thoughts of what if’s in my head like what if I had a different partner who is more responsible, more caring, more loving and more attentive to my needs.
The endless what if’s because I felt I was entitled to have someone more than what God has already given to me as my husband, the perfect partner that God gave me in our marriage.
Feeling entitled for something more made me feel miserable to be honest. Because I kept looking for something that I don’t have and makes me hate what I have . It also made me feel jealous of other people’s situation thinking that what they have is something better than what I have already.
It made me feel ungrateful for the things that God has been providing for me.
Most of all, I did not know about grace.
That I did not deserve anything at all.
When God started to work in my heart and in my life, He made me realize who I was.
A sinner who does not deserve anything in this world and can only be saved from God’s wrath through faith in Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior.
When I realized how wretched I was because of my sins, how could I feel entitled to have something more in my life?
Knowing the gravity of my sins, it humbled me down to see myself as someone who needs help, who needs to be saved from my sins and that it was only through Jesus Christ.
Ephesians 2:8 reminds us that “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith–and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God.”
To be saved is gift from God that we don’t deserve because we don’t deserve anything at all from the sins we have committed against God and our penalty for that is death. But Jesus Christ came to save us and offer us eternal life instead of death if we choose to accept him as our Lord and Savior and put our trust and faith in him.
It feels much better knowing that I don’t deserve anything at all.
It keeps me grounded with my relationship with my husband knowing that both of us are sinners saved by grace through faith and we are a work in progress by God in His plan for us and for our marriage. Sometimes when I feel like I deserve more than what I have in our marriage, God gently reminds me of who I am in Him and what Jesus has done for me at the cross and it reminds me to be thankful for God’s grace, love and mercy to me.
All that I have right now is just bonus to what God’s grace to me.
I don’t deserve to have a husband but He gave me a partner for life.
I don’t deserve to have kids but God gave me three.
I don’t deserve to have all the blessings of having family and friends but God chose to provide it for me.
I don’t deserve all the joy, peace, happiness and contentment because of having Jesus Christ in my life but God allows me to experience it.
And this is all by God’s grace, not that I deserve it but God is really just a gracious God who loves us and forgives us for our sins.